Siena Golf Course in Las Vegas: Fishing with Gary Mule Deer

Recently I was able to combine two of my favorites: golfing at Siena with my good buddy Gary Mule Deer.

Gary plays joints around the world. He sings and sounds just like Johnny Cash. But more importantly, Gary Mule Deer is the world’s funniest man.

Don’t take my word. Bob Goen said it first. Bob, you’ll remember, was the host of “Entertainment Tonight.” He was the one without the good-looking legs. When Bob introduced Gary to an audience at a celebrity golf event with the “funniest man in the world” moniker, I was skeptical - but only for a few minutes. In short, Gary has helped soil many drawers while on stage.

To escape his noisy on-stage life, I took Gary to peaceful Siena Golf Course. Some disclosure here: my voice is on Siena’s phone system. If you get put on hold you can hear my banter along with my mangled “grazi” - Italian for thank you. I get asked all the time to say “grazi” now.

Despite what appears to be my attempt to put my non-Italian voice all over Las Vegas one phone system at a time, I really love Siena. Sometimes, I stand on the par-4 ninth fairway and listen to nothing. That’s right: nothing. No cars. No planes. It’s that peaceful. The vistas of the western mountains and the downward view of the Las Vegas Strip add to the tranquility.

I was going to mention this to Gary when suddenly I hear a delicate splash in the pond on the ninth hole. No, it wasn’t a golf ball. It was a fishing line and lure. Yup, Gary carries a rod in his bag. “This is a great spot,” he said, sitting on the edge of the golf cart bobbing his fishing rod. He offered me a rod also conveniently packed in his golf bag.

Gary wants to launch a television show about fishing the great golf courses of America. “Siena is one of the best,” he says. However, the carp weren’t biting. Gary pulled out some Doritos: no luck. I told him, “These are Vegas fish. You need a buffet and a show before they bite.” That when Gary reminded me that I wasn’t funny.

Gary later tried fishing the par-4 18th hole. That was even tougher. “The only thing I caught there was the cart girl.”

Even though no fish were hooked, I was graced with some great American Indian wisdom from Gary: “Most of the putts fall to the Stratosphere; take an extra club when hitting toward the mountains; and it’s better to have loved and lost than wake up for the 3 a.m. feeding.”

It’s the fishing holes that spur Gary’s insights. As my 120 yard tee shot cleared the fishing hole on Siena’s signature par-3 5th hole, Gary told me about the dyslexic atheist: “There is no dog.” But as I looked back at the cascading waterfall and the mountains in the distance, I said aloud, “No, there certainly is a dog.”

You need this gorgeous view because the previous hole, the par-4 4th hole, is tough and uphill while protected by a huge front bunker. “I cannot comment on this hole, because I’ve never been in the fairway,” Gary said.

Siena is not long, but tricky, because of the many sand traps. I caught the big fairway bunker on the left side of the par-4 6th hole. The bunker is deep requiring an uphill shot towards the mountains. I yelled to Gary, “I need another club.”

“Try Red Rock,” he said.

Sipping on a cranberry juice in the Siena Bistro after our round, Gary reminisced about our many years of friendship from all those celebrity golf events. “It’s so great to play golf with a British Open and PGA Championship,” he said. “And you have really kept your weight down.”

Gary and I still speak. After all, he is the world’s funniest man.

In case you’re wondering, Gary admits to changing his name. It used to be Anita Mule Deer.